playfulkitten - Funny Forwards

Olympics in Oz

Here are some of the classic questions that were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their website, and answers supplied where appropriate...

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...

Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: And accomplish what?

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: I'm not touching this one...

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
A: Why? We DO have toilet paper here...

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...

Q:Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: Yes on the supermarkets, but the cows are on strike.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one... there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: People have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia. (Makes me so proud of being an 'merican... the land of the geographically challenged.)

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors

Q: I want to go swimming at Bondi Beach on October 20th. Will I turn blue? (Germany)
A: No that would only happen on the 21st.

Q: I hear that all Australian women are beautiful. Is that true and if so, can you send me pictures of the available ones? (Italy)
A: Sure. Have you got about 3000GB spare on your harddrive?

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.