playfulkitten - Funny Forwards

Five Questions Most Feared By Men

Questions to avoid

The 5 questions most feared by men are:
  1. What are you thinking about?
  2. Do you love me?
  3. Do I look fat?
  4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
  5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoguhtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

  1. Baseball.
  2. Football.
  3. How fat you are.
  4. How much prettier she is than you.
  5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you."

Question #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate resopnses include:

  1. Oh yeah, s***-loads.
  2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
  3. That depends on what you mean by love.
  4. Does it matter?
  5. Who, me?

Question #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

  1. Compared to what?
  2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
  3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
  4. I've seen fatter.
  5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I could spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

  1. Yes, but you have a better personality.
  2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
  3. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
  4. Define pretty.
  5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win situation. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette and a boat.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: s***


posted by sany:


posted on June 28, 2004 2:47 AM

posted by bini:

its a good one......had me laughing a lot

posted on July 5, 2005 5:33 AM

posted by KaMi:

LOL!!! that was hilarious!!!

posted on November 12, 2005 10:52 AM

posted by Jesse McCleod:

This is good! read it lol!

posted on November 20, 2005 8:18 PM