playfulkitten - Funny Forwards

Thoughts From Guys

• If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
• Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
• Birthdays, Valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
• Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
• Don't rub the lamp if you don't want to see the genie.
• Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the shotgun formation and NASCAR.
• Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
• Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
• You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. String hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
• Most guys don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
• Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
• Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
• If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
• You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it. One, not both. If you already know how best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
• Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. God made maps. The N is always on top.
• Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their breasts stared at.
• The relationship is never gong to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends like their relationship is so much better.
• Men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
• If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that
• We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
• If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle to pursue it further.
• What the heck is a doily?

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