playfulkitten - Funny Forwards

Five Questions Most Feared By Men

Questions to avoid

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoguhtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

1. Baseball.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you."

Question #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate resopnses include:

1. Oh yeah, s***-loads.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?

Question #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I could spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

1. Yes, but you have a better personality.
2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
3. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
4. Define pretty.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win situation. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette and a boat.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

Comments